STEVE JOBS ACCEPTS POSITION AT HOGWARTS!!!

Yesterday Steve Jobs stepped forward to formally accept the Defense against the Dark Arts position at Hogwarts. "We've had some trouble filling this position," said Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster at Hogwarts. In his speech, Jobs dedicated himself to changing the way magic is thought of. "For a start," Jobs said, "I've created an all in one device for the wizard's life. I've combined the traditional wand with a 4 terrabyte hard drive and revolutionary interface--the brand new iWand starts at 50 gold pieces and the frugal student can get the nano version for 15." There's no indication yet of how magical playlists, recommended alternate spell lists, and the upcoming iMagic store will affect the magic community, but normal "smart wand" manufacturers are nervous.

Source Images:

HUBBLE TELESCOPE EXAMINES EXTINCT, OBESE ALIEN LIFE

Last week the scientific world was pummeled by evidence uncovered of a now extinct, obese alien race. According to chief scientist Alan Smithee, "These photographs reinforce a long held suspicion that ancient aliens may have vanished due to gross obesity. Essentially, their grease to blood and water ratio became so lopsided that they simply dissolved..." McDonald's had no comment about the presence of an alien brand bearing the same name. Whether they were inspired by the aliens, are a part of the same franchise, or are merely the subject of extreme coincidence is at this point still conjecture...


Source Images: